I cannot believe I made it here. Well, I can, but I can’t. You see it didn’t happen exactly as I had planned – but I made it all the same. I did what I said I would and that, in and of itself, is a win.
Did I win? No. Not any medals anyways.
Wait, I can’t say that – I did win metals. But they too were not exactly as I had planned. And that’s OKAY.
In summary of this season I can honestly say that learned so much. Not in a “you win some you learn some” sort of way either. I learned that there is still a part of me I hadn’t met yet. Not in recent years anyways. A part of me that is untapped and waiting to come out again. A part of me that can still be selfish and put herself first in order to test her limits. To push herself. To just fucking do it.
I met her spending countless hours running circles around an indoor track. She was there when I went to my very first race alone. Just for me. A half marathon followed by my second less than two weeks later. Then a third setting a 1-2-3 half personal best. I met her racing through a stress fracture after a two day mixed-method mountain stage race. I met her when I realized I must back out of my Deathrace commitments when I failed the “jump test” and lit up x-rays and bone scans like Vegas. I met her in the middle of a rainy night on a trail full of mud in Canmore as she encouraged her and her ride mate to just. keep. moving. forward. She was with me when I returned to running after a forced eight week hiatus. And I just spent a long weekend with her running the half pint baby Ultra in Golden. Good God does she sing on road trips!!!
It was in this last race that I think I learned the most about me. About what I am capable of and what triumph tastes like. And no, it doesn’t taste like gold.
It actually tastes like vomit.
500 yards from a finish line in the final steps of a 45km push.
And feels like flying.
I was free from whatever internal burden I was carrying that had prevented me from leaving it all out there.
I left it all out there in Golden. And gained more of myself in the process.
This season has been an incredible journey. And one that I feel is just getting started.
I can not wait to see where I take myself next.
She and I? We go places.